I made this promise to myself that 20 would be the year of me.
Self love, self worth, self focus.
That in this year I would reflect on what truly is my purpose on this earth and how I can live out that purpose.
I promised I'd detach myself from anything that brought me pain in my teen years closing doors that I too long always kept partially cracked hoping something or someone would love me enough to eventually slip back through.

I swore I'd asexualize myself and turn off any urge to love someone with all of me..
That may sound unhealthy, but I reached a point where it's so exhausting I have to rebuild the strength back up to let someone new in.

I thought this day was a test to show how much love was out there for me, and I received so much love.
I had this expectation that that love would be shown by the one person I needed it most from.
I was mistaken.

I swore I'd let it go if today wasn't what I needed.
It wasn't.
Just as nineteen is gone, he is too.

Happy birthday to me.