Nov 2014
I remember,
When I was 4 or 5 and we went into the garden of giant sunflowers in our front yard, and me and my brother wore over sized t-shirts and let hundreds of lady bugs crawl all over us as we laughed and giggled with mom.
When me and my brother took pictures for our family photos in the hallway and we got all dressed up for the first time and we hugged and connected for the first time.
When we visited grandpas house and he watched us play the piano badly while we had a tea party with chocolate milk.
When in preschool I was put into an art class with the older children who picked on me, and eventually I hid under a table and cried for my mother to come get me, resulting in me getting kicked out of that preschool because I bit the teachers hand after she called me a ridiculous idiot and tried to grab me from under the table.
When I was in kindergarten and all the other kids played with construction work toys as I asked the teacher if I could color instead. She forced me to play with the other children as they threw fake plastic rocks in my face.
When I was put into another art class with older kids where none of them accepted me and I was screamed at and kicked out by the teacher after one class because I colored a face on a person orange, since I had no skin colored crayons or pencils.
When I sat on the playground alone and had children make rumors all around me about me as a teacher tried to force the other kids to play with me.
When a boy thought I liked him and decided to come up to me, in class, in front of everyone and make it apparent that he never did, and never would like me because he thought I was ugly and fat, and the class agreed.
When one of the teachers told me that I would never amount to anything in my life because I could not pass one of my math tests. She then proceeded to show me her "golden paper clip" and tell me that I was worth nothing and would never have the honor of earning that award.
When I tried to stand up for myself for once by telling one of the girls who bullied me that I didn't like what she said to me, and she found me one day waiting for my mom to come pick me up after school, as i sat on the swing set. She brought her older cousin who twisted me in the swing so that the chains wrapped around my neck and I could barely breathe. He told me if I ever said something like that to his little cousin again, he would **** me.
When I won a talent show for the first time in my life, and I felt so good about myself, until a girl came up to me with a small group of her friends and kicked me to the ground, saying I didn't deserve it.
When I was forced to run in a track meet or my school and I vomited after running as a lot of angry families told me how worthless I was because I came in last.
When I transferred schools and nothing changed. I still had no friends and everyone made fun of me behind my back, and a few times, to my face.
When I made actual friends for the first time and I felt accepted.
When on of those "friends" told me that I was a sinner because I don't believe in god, and she tried to force me to read a bible she brought to school for me everyday.
When I was called into the counselors office for getting in a fight in class with a girl and her friend after they called me a b----. The counselor made me out to be the bad guy for standing up for myself.
When a teacher pulled me aside and told me that I smelled like crap and she thought that's why children didn't like me, but when I asked my friends, they said she smells, not me, and that she has tried to pass it off onto other children before too, saying the same thing she said to me.
When I auditioned for choir in Junior High and all the other girls told me that I would never make it in, because I was a fat girl who couldn't sing, and no one wanted to hear or see that.
When I had my first day of Honor Choir in Junior High, and all the girls didn't think it was right that I made it in, so they pushed me off the top of the risers and onto the floor while telling me that I was an idiot who didn't know what they were doing, and laughing at me.
When I actually won a singing competition for our school and got praised by my choir teacher.
When my mom sat in the car with me crying and telling me that her and dad were getting a divorce and that she wanted me to live with my dad and make sure he was okay.
When my brother got in a big fight with me and hit me for the first time.
When I moved to the new house with my father and my mom called me, crying one night because she thought I liked my dad better than her.
When my dad told me that I was a worthless human being because I was having a panic attack at midnight in our living room.
When my dad slapped me across the face for having another panic attack in front of him and his girlfriend.
When my dad woke me up in the middle of the night and started screaming at me to get the hell up and pack my bags because he was taking me to my mothers house. I went in crying my eyes out and as I hugged by my mother and brother.
When my dads wife started fighting with me and my mother, threatening our lives as they tried to get custody of my brother and said she would never want me in their house ever again. She continues to bully me.
When I broke down on the side of the road in my car with my brother and started to have a panic attack. My brother screamed at me to shut the hell up and I considered running into the road and getting hit by a car to end it all.
When my mom almost killed herself by taking to many pills when she was sad and I had to watch her until she finally fell asleep in bed and I almost missed school the next day because I was so worried about her.
I remember. You might pretend to forget or act like it never happened, but I won't forget. Ever.
When I was 4 or 5 and we went into the garden of giant sunflowers in our front yard, and me and my brother wore over sized t-shirts and let hundreds of lady bugs crawl all over us as we laughed and giggled with mom.
When me and my brother took pictures for our family photos in the hallway and we got all dressed up for the first time and we hugged and connected for the first time.
When we visited grandpas house and he watched us play the piano badly while we had a tea party with chocolate milk.
When in preschool I was put into an art class with the older children who picked on me, and eventually I hid under a table and cried for my mother to come get me, resulting in me getting kicked out of that preschool because I bit the teachers hand after she called me a ridiculous idiot and tried to grab me from under the table.
When I was in kindergarten and all the other kids played with construction work toys as I asked the teacher if I could color instead. She forced me to play with the other children as they threw fake plastic rocks in my face.
When I was put into another art class with older kids where none of them accepted me and I was screamed at and kicked out by the teacher after one class because I colored a face on a person orange, since I had no skin colored crayons or pencils.
When I sat on the playground alone and had children make rumors all around me about me as a teacher tried to force the other kids to play with me.
When a boy thought I liked him and decided to come up to me, in class, in front of everyone and make it apparent that he never did, and never would like me because he thought I was ugly and fat, and the class agreed.
When one of the teachers told me that I would never amount to anything in my life because I could not pass one of my math tests. She then proceeded to show me her "golden paper clip" and tell me that I was worth nothing and would never have the honor of earning that award.
When I tried to stand up for myself for once by telling one of the girls who bullied me that I didn't like what she said to me, and she found me one day waiting for my mom to come pick me up after school, as i sat on the swing set. She brought her older cousin who twisted me in the swing so that the chains wrapped around my neck and I could barely breathe. He told me if I ever said something like that to his little cousin again, he would **** me.
When I won a talent show for the first time in my life, and I felt so good about myself, until a girl came up to me with a small group of her friends and kicked me to the ground, saying I didn't deserve it.
When I was forced to run in a track meet or my school and I vomited after running as a lot of angry families told me how worthless I was because I came in last.
When I transferred schools and nothing changed. I still had no friends and everyone made fun of me behind my back, and a few times, to my face.
When I made actual friends for the first time and I felt accepted.
When on of those "friends" told me that I was a sinner because I don't believe in god, and she tried to force me to read a bible she brought to school for me everyday.
When I was called into the counselors office for getting in a fight in class with a girl and her friend after they called me a b----. The counselor made me out to be the bad guy for standing up for myself.
When a teacher pulled me aside and told me that I smelled like crap and she thought that's why children didn't like me, but when I asked my friends, they said she smells, not me, and that she has tried to pass it off onto other children before too, saying the same thing she said to me.
When I auditioned for choir in Junior High and all the other girls told me that I would never make it in, because I was a fat girl who couldn't sing, and no one wanted to hear or see that.
When I had my first day of Honor Choir in Junior High, and all the girls didn't think it was right that I made it in, so they pushed me off the top of the risers and onto the floor while telling me that I was an idiot who didn't know what they were doing, and laughing at me.
When I actually won a singing competition for our school and got praised by my choir teacher.
When my mom sat in the car with me crying and telling me that her and dad were getting a divorce and that she wanted me to live with my dad and make sure he was okay.
When my brother got in a big fight with me and hit me for the first time.
When I moved to the new house with my father and my mom called me, crying one night because she thought I liked my dad better than her.
When my dad told me that I was a worthless human being because I was having a panic attack at midnight in our living room.
When my dad slapped me across the face for having another panic attack in front of him and his girlfriend.
When my dad woke me up in the middle of the night and started screaming at me to get the hell up and pack my bags because he was taking me to my mothers house. I went in crying my eyes out and as I hugged by my mother and brother.
When my dads wife started fighting with me and my mother, threatening our lives as they tried to get custody of my brother and said she would never want me in their house ever again. She continues to bully me.
When I broke down on the side of the road in my car with my brother and started to have a panic attack. My brother screamed at me to shut the hell up and I considered running into the road and getting hit by a car to end it all.
When my mom almost killed herself by taking to many pills when she was sad and I had to watch her until she finally fell asleep in bed and I almost missed school the next day because I was so worried about her.
I remember. You might pretend to forget or act like it never happened, but I won't forget. Ever.
