We couldn't find you

I shouldn't be the one to have to tell you this
There was no need for anyone to finish that sentence
I knew what had happened

They found you in the car
With our family's dog
The garage door sealed shut
Car still running
Spewing toxic fumes

A huge anvil came down and knocked my feet out from under me

My sister and I collapsed onto the floor
It felt like someone was tearing me apart
One piece at a time
Like someone had punched a hole through my chest
Ripping out my heart to burn and crush into the ground

Our worlds seemed to collapse around us, I had to hold my legs so tightly to my chest to prevent myself from falling apart right there on the floor

I didn't have a mother anymore
She is not going to see me graduate
She is not going to help me pick out my grad dress
She is not going to meet my first true love
She is not going to be there when I have my first drink in a bar
She is not going to be there when I show her my engagement ring
She is not going to be there when my father walks me down the isle
She is not going to be there when I announce that I'm pregnant
She is not going to be there when my first child is born
She is not going to be there to be the most loving grandmother
She's gone