when I am all alone in my room it's peaceful physically. Although mentally my head is so busy and loud its not funny. I tend to stare off into space and think about my mom and and dad actually my whole biological family. How there not there for me and never have been unless it was to have something to be blamed on me even if I didnt do it. I would take the blame for it and move on hurt in everyway you could imagine. Hurt to the piont where I could let go of them and never look back again. Although I just keep going back back to get there approval over every little thing. So I can just feel there love even if it hurt me I knew it was still love love from them. As I live with a non bio family member I think I am wasting alot of time by hurting myself and them alot. When I have a family right where I am that loves me like I was there biological family memeber. There child and there sister. I dont need to go through all the pain I put myself into to get the love I am looking for I have it right where I am. The parents treat me just like there children. The kids they treat me like there own sisters and brother. I believe I was sent through all the things I was sent through so I could know and feel what a real family feels like. Like conconditional love and disapline. They consider me one of there children when they introduce me to someone they already know they introduce me as there daughter. I know that they love me and would do anything to protect me from any harm at all no matter what I know if my husband was beating me or my children my mom would kick his *** tell he couldnt move and would go to jail for it. I know thats how much they love me and same thing with my dad. Of course I still love my biological parents I always will but I know 100% I am safe, wanted blame free when its not my fault and loved right where I am. For me to be able to move on and heal my wounds my biological family did to me I have to let them go. That doesnt meen I wont ever get to see them it meens not putting myself out there to see them and in the end getting hurt. I have to remind myself if they want to see me they will call me I don't have to call them and set myself up for hurt. Even if they don't call me and don'twant to see me I now that I didnt do anything wrong. I have a family right here to love me and give me the attention I need that I never had. To give me advice when I need it to guide me in the right path to disapline me into a strong independant women. So when its time to flap my wings and fly I can do it on my own and do strong. Stronger then I even imagined I can ever be before I met Kelly and Carl my true parents. The ones that have shown me the true meening of life, family and love. They have shown me I don't need the extra baggage on me and need my biological parents to approve every little thing I do. That I don't need to get hurt by my biological parents and family and be blamed for every little thing my parents did while I was a child I can live through life not feeling guilty for taking the blame for that because I know it wasnt my fault I was just a child being put through hell and back. Shoved from one home to another and blamed for my biological parents drugs and alcohol abuse. I can let all of it go and live and soon flap my wings and fly my life the way it should have been flown in the begining. How do I let go of all the extra baggage is support from my true family and my true friends. I would never be able to get through life without them.