I feel like burning myself, stepping in front of the never ceasing stream of cars which fly past my house and off into the dark. Except they all have places and people to be and how could I ruin life for another?

I just don’t understand any of this. I thought that I didn’t love him, but now he’s left I am bereft and can see no other reason than this loss. I put too much into one person and now there’s no one to turn to. In five days I see friends, that’s such a very long time right now.

All I can hope is that tomorrow brings the numbness which I used to loathe. All I can hope is that every feeling freezing through my veins will solidify and harden to such an extent that I cannot feel them any more. Perhaps then they will fill in the cracks which have emerged from my core.