remember the time
i lost my mind back
in college?

lauran had to drive
up and get me
because i couldn't
trust myself to be
behind the wheel

you didn't know me
yet, but you walked
me around campus
to look at the art

you were always
comforting

when i got home
i was put on meds
and back to school
i went, but something
inside of me was
empty, like someone
had been stealing
scoops of my soul
while i was passed
out after my nights of
drinking *****
from water bottles

i remember the terror
i felt while i called
my parent's cell phones
and the house again,
and again, and again,
but no one answered,
it was 2 in the morning,
and i was convinced
that i would cry myself
to death in that empty
common room

sometimes i still feel
as if i could cry myself
to death, even though
i won't allow it, and i
don't always want to
drive because i know
that i'm not to be
trusted behind the wheel,
and there are times when
i feel like i am calling,
and calling, and calling,
but there's nobody home
because home doesn't
exist anymore

isn't that a strange thought?
there is no such thing
as home