i sat and you laid and i wondered,
wondered where my life had gone
where it was going
how it had gone so quickly

i thought of things i couldn't hold onto
the things i would never let go of
the things i should release from my tightening grasp,
but for some reason i only held on tighter to them

i cried for the things i had lost
the things i had found
the things i couldn't have
the things i never would have

i let myself float away then
and i rose up and up and up -
up to the rafters and through the roof,
into the muted sky that seemed to expand for lifetimes

i looked at the clouds that seemed too big and noticed they stood still,
much like i did
i tried to push them, but i fell through them
and gravity pulled me down down down

i stood on the ground in the forest and felt alone and crowded all at once
the trees looming over me,
knowing all, seeing all, being all
i was frightened and comforted

they saw me for who i was and who i didn't want to be
they laughed at me and told me the truth,
"we're all bits and pieces of who we hate."
and i knew i couldn't argue, i knew

i wanted to push off the dark earth that stank of moss and damp wood,
but my feet sprouted roots and i felt less grounded than ever
i pulled at my legs, but they had turned into trunks
and my arms, branches, reaching for the sky that turned dark overhead

the stars flew out in masses, like fireflies, and i stretched higher
a leaf brushed one that flew through the universe
my heart skipped a beat
and i began to let go

i floated upwards again and this time the clouds swirled around me
i danced with them and all of the stars put their tiny spotlights on me
i felt a sense of wonder and joy and i knew
i was alive. alive, alive, alive.