I am ashamed.

a girl
you can't call me,
I'll chop off my hair
long enough to cover my face
My brother's clothes
with ***** tennis shoes-

a girl
you can't call me
don't you dare.
I'll hold hands with a pretty girl
a rusty beanie atop
I'll smile and laugh
and do crazy things
because a girl
you won't think me.

I once had so many friends
never saw a movie alone
long conversations
and midnight swims

back then I wore my brother's clothes
and had only two pairs
of duct-taped tennis shoes.
No one looked at my bulky calves
cankles
and thunderous thighs
they smiled and kissed
my round round face
supported by a thick thick neck.

I was a girl
they knew
but
dressed in camo shorts
Tee and hoodie
they never said a word
they never hurt me

you can't call me a girl
I won't let you
I'm so miserable like that
       so miserable like this
As long as I keep wearing his clothes
shoving my hair in a beanie
and forcing my laugh a little deeper
I'll keep going to parties
I'll keep all these friends
Everything will be okay
because when I'm a boy
people don't question
how big or how ugly I am
everything's okay
as long as I wear these clothes
so you can't call me a girl.