"I know you want the best for me,
you always have and even if we fall
through something tells me you
still will. That's why I didn't want
you to know about today. . .

I wasn't trying to hurt anyone
and I did everything everyone
asked of me, so them yelling,
chewing me out, telling me to
do more, work harder, get up earlier,

ate away at me more than I could
take and I saw the cigarettes on
the back porch and felt the lighter
in my pocket next to the knife
sober of my blood for months.

The withdraws wouldn't hurt so much
if people wouldn't stare at me and
point out everything I already hate
about myself. I know you love me,

you always want the best for me
and somehow I think that will still
be the case, even if we fall through.
That's why I'm begging you to leave -

so you don't see the lipstick stains
from bittersweet butterfly kisses
or smell the smoke carrying even more
of me too far away to get back."

She wrote on a ripped up piece of
crumpled paper and placed inside
my locker outside of the art room.

"There is hope, light, and beauty
buried deep inside and I am
completely determined to show
that to you, Lovely girl. You can't
throw me far enough that I won't
be back. My soul is part of the
crashing waves that mesmerize you
ever so. Don't give up yet."

was all I could say in response.

You can't leave me either,
you may be the earthquake
off the coast, but I'm the volcano
on the fault lines.