I was always told
I meant nothing
I was just another body
Waiting to have a hole dug in the ground

I was never a favorite with children or adults
I seemed too outgoing
Too energetic
Adults tell me to not be myself around others
I need to be reserved

So I tried being calm, quiet
I never talked to anyone no matter the age
And soon it became so easy, so natural

That by second grade I went weeks without speaking
And I never gave a ****
Because it's what everyone else wanted
And it became what I needed

In high school, my teachers told me to speak up
They want me to be an individual
But knowing that everyone else wanted me quiet
I just shrugged and moved on

I look back now and remember
I remember the lonely nights
The red splattered carpet
The feeling of vacancy

When I needed to try
To try to speak my mind
To try and be myself
To try and stop my destructive behavior

I failed
I've always been a failure
Who tried their best to fix their mistakes
But trying is the first step to failure

And I've lost this battle