And what happens
When I finally tell you
That I was too ashamed to admit
That I dreamt up your face
When his lips touched mine
And I auto-tuned his voice
In my head until it was
A duplicate of yours
And that I traced his skin
But somehow my sensory memory
Defied the rules and I
Flashed back to seven years ago
When your arm was around my waist
And what happens
When you're not here
Anymore and my words are too
Late
And I end up engaged,
or God, married
To this man because
I keep pretending he's you

And I keep telling him
That he has my whole heart
But I think we both know
The truth
That it's always belonged to you
And that,
To be honest,
I don't ever want it back

Because in seven years time,
I've realized that it is so much easier
To sleep at night
To breathe in winter
To sigh in his arms
When I can't feel a ****** thing at all
And maybe I'm lying to him
And maybe that's ****** up…

But we're all damaged.
We're all damaged.

*Lord knows you made sure of that.