What am I?
Hell I don’t know!
I don’t know anything about anything.
I used to know.
I used to rule my own little world, day by day.
Now, I am not so sure.
As the hours pass from sunrise to sunset,
all I see is the truth.
Yet, I am blind.
I am blind to the reason for being me.
I do not have the knowledge of who I once was.
I am as opaque, as dense as one can be.
My mind is a labyrinth to my own thoughts.
My heart is a crypt.
My soul yearns for some sort of satisfaction.
Still, I am left waiting.
And while my temperament drips of stability,
there is this order of utterly perfect disarray within.
Only kept barricaded by my very own flesh and bones.
However, through my own insanity,
I see pure truth all around me.
I look at the world for what it is.
It is not cruel.
Nor is it gentle.
I look you and see who you are.
You
are
transparent.
I see religion, and ask, "why?"
Why?
Why is the only question I ask.
It is the only question that makes sense.
God.
You believe?
That’s great.
Why?
I don’t.
Why?
Tell me why I should.
I have no reason.
I have gone through too much to believe so.
I believe in the world.
Why?
Its nature of being what it is, is plausible.
You want more?
You are stunned.
Why?
Because
You
Never
Had
A
****
Clue.
That’s why.
You cannot believe it.
And I know why.
You never would have thought it to be me, living this life.
That’s the problem.
But, I applaud you.
Your courage to ask me who I am.
I am
a sister,
a daughter,
a friend.
That is what I am.
But, I am sorry because, well, I do not know who I am.
This is the only question to which I will not challenge asking why.
Because I do not know why.
Who
am
I
?

A. E. Murphy