I haven't been able to sleep without crying and reaching for you in my bed. I haven't been able to stop thinking about all the small moments you gave me and I haven't been able to go an hour without wishing you could be there with me. I haven't been able to not miss your voice and the way you make me laugh. I haven't been able to look at things and think about anything other than how you're connected to it somehow.

And I feel like I should apologize for having these feeling for you. Like I should apologize for wishing you had held me for a little longer and that when you hugged me for the first time it felt like the last time. I feel like I should apologize for unconsciously thinking of living the rest of my life with you and for crying when I realize it's just another dream when I wake up. I feel like I should apologize for not being able to tell you that I think I love you.

So I've been staying up and replaying every second of the last time we met. I've been staying up and remembering that if you wanted to love me, you would have by now. I've been staying up and recalling every touch, every word and every smile. I've been staying up and hoping that when I fall asleep I'll feel you again only to wake up disappointed that you're never really there. I've been staying up and trying to forget that I want to live the rest of my life by your side. I've been staying up and regretting every word I never said and the kiss I never gave.

It seems like all I can ever do is wish for things to be different and it seems like all I can think about is how much being around you feels like coming home. It seems like looking at you is the only thing I want to do in my life. It seems like you'll never look at me the way I want you to and it seems like I have no other choice but to say goodbye to you. It seems like goodbye is the only thing that's left for me to do.

I can't see you and not wish things were different. I can't talk to you and not think about how much I want to tell you to love me. I can't be around you and not yearn to have your arms around me. I can't walk with you and not reach out for your hand when our fingers brush. I can't love you and not cry myself to sleep knowing that I can never have you. And I can't wait for you and not be tempted to force an ultimatum on you.

So I'm going to leave. I'm going to leave and I'm not going to come back. I'm going to leave and I'm not going to come back until I'm sure I've moved on from you. I'm going to leave and I'm going to be happy for you. I'm going to leave and I'm going to be happy for you as long as you're happy. I'm going to leave and I'm going to come back. I'm going to leave and I'm going to come back and I won't love you anymore.