1
you come home
and there's bill
(not your friend
but the bill from
your internet provider)
for your cellphone and such

you read your bill
and your son
has to call up the ambulance,
further increasing your bill

2
your 16-year-old daughter
tells you:
"I've got news;
good or bad
depends on how you look
at it: I'm 4-months pregnant -
and before you ask me -
I ******* don't know who"

3
Your grandpa comes back
with his I-just-met-her girlfriend
and she tells you
to move out
and stop sponging on an old man
Your grandpa nods in admiration
and says: "Good on you, girl
I never had the heart to tell him that"

4
The chicken you had for dinner
at the restaurant
(and enjoying which
you went "ooh-wow")
was actually snake meat
topped with dog paws and ears

5
The kid you turned away
in your Scrooge mood
with no treat at the door
stands now at 2 am
beside your bed
with his head in his hands