why did i let you break me

i was young
and beautiful
all i had to worry about
were scraped knees
not battered ribs
or the taste of your lips
on my skin
i don't want to worry
that the last time i see you
will be the last time i am told you love me
i loved you so much
i  forgot to love myself.

as if my scars
tears
and emptiness wasn't enough for me
why did you see beauty in my sadness?
what was beautiful,
me or the pain you made me feel?

why did i let you break me

sometimes i think about us
i realise we were twisted
and my shaky breath
and broken knuckles
and unhappiness
wasn't
enough for you to keep
breathing
but i didn't want you to breathe without me
because then
you would leave

i suppose i was selfish
maybe i deserved no love from you
but unreqeiented love made me feel
somewhat alive
somewhat adventurous

the night you first touched me
i  felt my soul die
in the simplest ways
i kept quiet
as our body's mimmicked together
but i wanted to scream
i wanted to scream so ****** loud

why did you have to break me

thinking back to us
we were happy
a sick twisted
love story
of how you were created

i think i might have been weak
i might have let you **** me
slowly, and then all at once.

but i am not weak anymore
i will scream your name from
every single roof top
until my voice is heard
and the knives
that once touched my skin
won't matter anymore

because you will be gone
and i will stop drowning.

(h.m)