been awake for weeks, fixed, wrapped in sheets
without relief
harboring the illness I've digested slow and the burn
still constricts my veins
         orange and yellow bleed my eyes dry
     the sunlight is no friend of mine.
i am the princess of this arrangement
my heels click together, anxious disaster
i reach for the warmth; it's gone.
i'm tying knots in my hair
wrapping them around my throat
i'm walking through these halls
fading like your buzz, i'm broke
these scars along my arms reflect
the light, and i'm just a capsule
in your bottle. i'm just a monster
who sings lullabies
                                               inside your head
the black and white and gray
and whispers through the walls
i used to stand so tall
and now i fall to the bed
i'm grasping hot coals
and licking them slowly
i'm out of reach, running
in place i remain, unclean
there's a starting line at every corner
and the restless awareness
has gotten the best of me
holding on to the same life jacket
one will have to sink
into this fish bowl, it has become
the essence of my existence.
so punish me, please.