Today, he lives his life unchanged,
unaware of the gifts he gives,
the joy he brings.
My heart has long since
run out of summers.
All my leaves and flowers have gone-
I only have the snow now.
His body looks like ice,
pale and beautiful,
just like porcelain-
his hair black like my sky
between the blizzards.
But his lips are red and warm,
like the heat I yearn for.
There is fire in this body yet.
But alas, he does not want me-
I will only rob him of his warmth,
the fire that fuels him.
It is unintentional.
I swear I don’t mean to.
I want, even though I cannot have.
Selfishness.
Unbalanced.
But when he holds me
he becomes my shelter.
When he kisses me,
he offers me warmth and release,
relieving me from my Siberian winter.
When he pretends to love me,
he brings me Spring
even if it’s just for one night.
Yet I can give him nothing in return;
he does not want anything from me-
I have nothing to offer him,
for I am all out of summers.
He will not be able to keep me warm for long.
He will not stay here.
He will soon move on and search for someone
more worthy,
more profitable,
someone beautiful just like him.
I only have ice to give,
even though I love.
Love is no good when one has no warmth.
I can only be half a lover,
unsuitable and inferior.
But just for tonight,
he offers me spring
in the form of an embrace
and a kiss.
I love.
I melt.
*Снегу́рочка.
copyright Kate Dempsey 2011
I wanted to write him a poem to tell him how I felt about him. I wasn't able to capture all of it, but I think this is a step in the right direction. However, it came out to be a bit sad. However, I really don't want things to end that way. There is joy in here as well.
Снегу́рочка= Snegurochka (translates into “the Snow Maiden”)
Snegurochka is a figure in Russian fairy tales, who often accompanies her grandfather Ded Moroz (who is basically the Russian equivalent of Santa for those of you who may not know). In one Russian fairytale, Snegurochka develops feelings for a man named Lel, a shepherd. However, she is still unable to feel love. She craves a relationship with him and longs to understand what love is. Her mother feels sorry for her and grants her the ability to love. However, after she falls in love with Lel, her heart warms up and she melts.
I certainly hope I did not mess up the translations.