I should have known better. But I was naive then, and I am definitely not now. You seduced me with your smooth talking and I looked to you like a God. See, I was stupid. I thought you had feelings for me then. But I was a toy, while your girlfriend I didn't know about wasn't around.

Then you left.

I thought I did something wrong. I cried about it. The only man to ever give me any attention had disappeared.

Then you came back.

I got to close that time. I scared you off. I asked who hurt you, because I can see when someone has been ****** up the same way I am. You made excuses and then...

Then you left.

It hurt more this time. I knew I pushed too hard. But didn't you realize I CARED for you? I just wanted you happy. I just wanted you.

Then you came back.

You told me everything in a rare moment of weakness and we cried together. We cried because we were so happy that someone else was going through the same ****** up ****. It was different after that. Because now you had actual feelings for me. We agreed to meet.

But you never showed up.

We had been off and on throughout our relationships (that is, if you let me know you were in one, which you often didn't) and then you left me hanging. It hurt a lot. I wondered what I did.

I never told you I love you. But I think I do sometimes. I just don't know what the **** love is or what it feels like. Not romantically.

Later that year I found out you got engaged. From your twitter account. This was it. I cried and cried. But I insisted I was happy for you.  I forced myself to be. You changed your number. My number never made it in to your phone.

Then you left.

I wanted nothing more than to talk to you. But I knew that if we talked it would be bad, and I wanted you happy more than anything. So I forgot about you best I could.

But you came back.

I asked how your wife was. You insisted on meeting. I denied. and denied. denied. denied. den-******* fine. So we met. I regret that more than anything. If I hadn't gone that day, then we probably would be fine. But I did. And we kissed. And I wouldn't let you touch me.

Then you wanted an affair.

I said **** no. I will never willingly help someone cheat. I told you we could be friends but that's it. Otherwise don't talk to me.

I've lost count of the number of times I've blocked your email, phone, or whatever. I'm not kidding.

Now you swear you love me. I tell you that you don't, you just aren't used to one woman in your life. You tell me you wish you had left her.

Well.

F
U
C
K

Y
O
U

I hate you for doing this **** to me. For manipulating me. For lying. For all your ******* *******. I hate you because I hate myself. I hate you for getting me to believe you love me. For saying I make you happy.

Well guess what? I deserve better, and I know I can't ever trust you. I hope one day you don't 'love' me. I hope one day you realize the **** you've done to me.

******* for still having me hanging on your every word.