Tonight I,

Wake to longing.

And wake to the feeling of hopelessness.

This bitter feeling taste of helplessness, regret, self-loathing and understanding.

And understanding makes this a bile of an emotion needed.

But for what cost?

As I, lie here choking back tears,

Trying to take it all in much like,

An excessive quantity of medicine the will sooner **** the liver than cure the soul.

Who can i call to cast away my doubt and shoulder this understanding?

Because honestly I’m afraid that I’ll forget soon.

Honestly, I’m afraid I’ll remember.

There’s an honest emotion in this situation somewhere and I'v taken subtle hits of its bittersweet nectar.

But to many times its ironic sense of humor has in my dreams showed its self to me.

Showed myself my fallacy.

And i know.

I know how to appease my dreams

But to call her and expose to her this truth

That she and I must be together,

That she weighs heavy on my mind.

Tell her even when faced with her situation from the moment I held her child had me wanting to be a father.

But be that as it may this is only a dream.

One that i won’t see come into fruition.

I will outlive my dreams,

I have no choice.

I refused to let my selfishness ever cause her harm.

Call it arrogance

Or self-sabotaging behavior

Or call it what you will

But this is the end of dreams,

The end of hope

And the beginning of my eternal lament.

But odd as it sounds i can’t help but feel..... Satisfied.