Normally I would say never give up, but there are times where even my patience and will gets pushed, where my strong wall get weaker and very fragile. It always feels like I'm drowning and I hate that it's always the people I love most are the ones who hurt me more than the others. I always feel inadequate, under appreciated, and most of all ignored. Funny, I always thought that the enemies of the world was always the people outside, the ones who judge us from afar and avoid us. I know now that my true enemies are those who I love, those who can break me down with even the slightest bit of rejection, the ones who can make me cry for their pain. I don't want to love anymore, it hurts more than anything. Even he used it against me, he knew I was weak and that I wouldn't leave because of it. He tells me so many sweet lies, nowadays all I do is cry. He doesn't respect me, he always says something that really hurts more than anything. I went through so much mental torture, so much emotions that has been bottled inside are now leaking steadily, coming out dangerously and starting to rupture and crack. I don't want to love anymore, but I can't help it! I'm only human. I never considered myself an overly religious person, I actually try to balance it. However, god taught me to love, never hate. What can I do when I don't want to lose the people I love?