i tried to make myself hospitable..
i hallowed myself out
like a halloween pumpkin.
i scooped out the guts and bits and seeds
that i had grown all my own
the very person my mother spent designing
and picking all the right chromosomes
to make.
i carved at my skin
until a toothy smile was cut into
my core.
i took out all of my insides
and waited for someone
to put the tea candle inside of me
to make something out of the stupid
******* ornament i had made out of myself.
but what i learned is that
you can't make homes
out of human beings.
you can't wait for someone to
put that light back into you.
you have to pick up the
moldy, stringy, forgotten guts
of which you tossed away
and hope to god that maybe
you will be able to put yourself
back together again.