I've got a question
for you, God
you took so much
when i was young
i was safe at school,
not safe at home
from age four,
i felt all alone
and thought
of death
each day
that went on.
And finally,
seven years passed
and the ones who hurt me
so bad left
and i entered middle school,
so sure
what id been through
was the worst.
Some boys thought i
wasn't "worthy"
of sight, of breath,
so they hurt me
and no one listened
for two years
until i transferred
from my fears.
At 14  i had more pain
in my past
than i could handle,
i couldn't last
i figured it was
my time to go
into my grave,
down deep below.
200 slices
on my wrist
4 were deep enough
to let me kiss
the taste of death
on my fingertips
but not enough
for me to devour it.
I tried again,
just one more time
with pills i swallowed,
and my parents cried
when they walked in,
tears streaming down my face
"I'm sorry," i said.
"My life is a waste."

And still i stand,
leaning on my past
tougher than my youth,
tougher than the rest
And finally,
i get one good gift
of life in mine,
she was my favorite
soul in the world
and i thanked you so
figured all the pain
was worth it now.

I woke up this morning,
and she was dead.
Was fine last night,
And now she rests.
So why, i ask
did you keep me alive
if you're just going to insure
i die inside?