i never heard her fall when she did
but the screams that she had fallen woke me
and now, even five months passed, i am not coping
i still see her lying there on that bedroom floor
arms spread out like a cross
eyes wide shut, unblinking
i feel guilty
i question if there were more i could have done
just thinking
what if ?
and why then if it had been her time
why can't i let those emotions dwindle
just thinking

her husband's new life is filled with so many tears
i never heard a man cry the way he had that night
the way he wore her wedding band on his pinky
asking the hospital if he could take her home
his shock tore my heart
so now on my weekends
i visit him
we laugh fake laughs
the laughs that are filled with so much hidden pain just to make it through another day
we cook in the memory that she will be sitting at the table with us
and when i come back home i cry wishing i could have stayed longer than just to visit