i dont want to use it
but i can draw a perfect mental picture of it sitting in my kitchen
to the left of the stove in the top drawer, in front of silver oven mitts
i dont want to use it
but i dont know what can take this pain away and stop my chest from caving in and my sighs from getting deeper and my breaths from getting faster with less space in between them to relax
i dont want to use it
but i can no longer relax
i need to feel the pain
seeping out of my skin onto the floor where i've been too many times before
i am weak
but i am not that weak
i wont use it