The head and the heart seem to be at battle inside me.
My heart is full of the love that emanates from him. There is a light that had been ignited, growing brighter and warmer as each day passes. His love slowly picking up the fragile remains of my past, patching up the holes that have been left behind. I finally feel the love and appreciation I have always longed for.
My mind knows that the love is real and yet I am full of such...apprehension. Something stops me from letting my guard down. I am still filled with unease when I hear his phone ring. I'm still scared of getting my heart broken again. I don't distrust him. I know its my arms he wants wrapped around him at night.
This battle makes me feel crazy. I don't want to be the reason for the hurt behind his eyes. I don't want to be the one that causes pain instead of healing a broken heart.
With all the love I feel surrounding me, why does it still feel like there is something inside cracking? Like ice.
Is the ice inside me unthawing and cracking because of the warmth that grows from my soul or is the ice slowly creeping up my walls, another precautious barrier subconsciously forming to guard potential heartbreak.
I just want to finally live in peace, imaging our possible future. I don't want to be in any other arms, I don't want to be a part of any other mans life.
How do I stop this unnecessary battle inside from tearing this apart?