These road signs point to where you’d be if you weren’t kneeled over in constant apology you tell me sometimes you can hear Aidan’s laughter at night, as if someone’s strung them around street lamps like fairy lights your lungs collapse at the mention of his name and your chest heaves with trembling shame but you never told anyone else about the way guilt straddles your shoulders every morning as it leans towards his mother’s ears screaming ears now turned deaf with grief
You tell me about the nights so dark you can’t tell it apart from the hollow in your chest most days you find it too hard to breathe because the guilt hugs you so tight it forces itself in your lungs where these organs can’t contain your feeling of sin so you keel over and ***** by the road where you last held Aidan
There are footprints in the mud where he was last standing but the imprints have hardened and Aidan has grown since there was a much colder instance when his sister flung a picture frame at you so it shattered and you picked up a shard to scratch out unforgivings in the mud by the road where you watched your best friend die