Restless nights have become habits. Lying on the bed listening to the same song over and over again thinking somehow the song will change into the same childish sleep lullaby you fell asleep to when you were little. You excuse yourself saying the heat has got you or you have been feeling a little under the weather and you can't sleep, but you know exactly what's going on. Everything around you seems to have a meaning doesn't it? It looks like everything as a reason to be, but you don't. You don't have a thing to say it's yours. You don't have a thing to immortalize your name when your body dies. And thinking about it gets you. You think about it late at night, while everyone sleeps. You start figuring out solutions and idealizing plans to restart your life tomorrow. Tomorrow will be different. And when you notice it the sun is coming back up. You fall asleep with a smile on your face thinking you have made some progress this night, it was worth it. You sleep for 2 hours and wake up. Everyone is still asleep. It's 8am and you wonder why the hell you woke up so early and tired. It must have been last night. Last night...? It's a blur.