Drive a hummer in Amsterdam,
protest their red-light district,
claiming Pat Robinson sent you.

Preach that marijuana
should only be for medical reasons
Hard liquor is great for your brain, liver
and all vital organs

Go into a Synagogue recite a Mein Kamf
passage
Meanwhile, triple cross your fingers, your toes and hastily
leave shouting praises to Adolph

Go into an expensive Italian restaurant,
whip out a can of Dinney Moore stew,
open can up meanwhile sing loudly "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling"

After all this, check yourself in because without doubt
you are seriously ill