constantly at the back of my mind
the idea is there, whispering to me when
my mind is idle.
telling me that it's still possible.
you can still do it.
no one will find you either,
they wouldn't even think or wonder
where you are.
they'll knock on your door and
when there's no answer they'll
be curious and when
they find you, they
never would have expected it.

so why don't i just do it?
crying, my heart aches.
empty, numb, unmotivated,
and when i'm high i'm really
******* high and on cloud nine
but i crash so hard that i can't
handle this reality even though
i've got the good life.

i'm still so unhappy,
and i don't know how to get happy
and this bottle isn't helping.