why is it
that when i see you
with someone else
it doesn't hurt as much
as i know it should

but when i'm near you
i act like that
really clingy glue
the one that always
leaves your hand raw
from trying to scrub it off?

i don't want to be
the squid that sticks to you
but i want you to want me
as cliche as that is

i want your perfection
which is impossible
to want me
but we all know that
the perfect people
never love the imperfect
they find other perfect
beautiful
smart and nice people
to love
because their love is better
because their love is more
because their love will last forever

what cliche *******
you don't know
that i have no feelings
so these palpatations
these incessant thump thomps
of my heart?
are all new territory for me

apparently its all a map of unexplored sadness
and the compass points north to you

you're like a map
full of longitudinals that tell me
where to go when i need a somewhere
to lie down after a long day
full of latitudinals that allow me
to hug you and dig
into the comfort of your chest
right above where your heart beats
a steady thump-thump-thump
can't you hear it?
i hope you can't
because my heart
cannot function normally around you.

your heart is the 0,0 of the map
and your eyes are the compass
telling me where to go,
showing me how you feel
and all the little cracks within your self
the map outlines the constellations of your face
and the small islands of all your interests,
the mountains of every muscle on you,
outlined plane by solid plane.

You are a whole,
detailed and delicate
map.

I am the tectonic plates
underneath the earth
that is you.
i shift,
destroy
quake.

i am just
one fault line
after another.

one day
i will creak and crash
in the process,
i will destroy you.

*– s.m.