“Thou Shall Not Keep No Pets.” they said
On our housing estate
Maybe that’s why mum got mad
When I brought home a snake.

It was very pretty really
With a pattern on its back
Parts of it was sorta green
The rest was sorta black

“Get that out of here.” Mum cried
Racing to the loo
“Get it right away.
I’ll not budge until you do.”

I thought, ‘Well. That ain’t friendly.
Such behaviour just ain’t right.’
“If that’s the way you feel mum,
You can stay in there all night.”

I settled down outside loo door
My lonely vigil I would keep
I would not weaken in my task
Not even for a sleep

“I can outlast you mum.” I called
“Just you wait and see
And I didn’t falter, till half past six
And it was time for tea.

“What can I have for dinner mum,
For surely I must eat?”
“Toss out that ruddy snake.” she said
“And I’ll cook you up a treat.”

“I will make your favourite meal
With lots of ice cream to follow.”
I tell you that was tempting
And my tummy was quite hollow.

But, “I’ll not submit to bribery, or coercion.”
I did claim.
“I have principles you know? But I’m hungry
All the same.”

“Well go into the kitchen dear.”
“Switch the oven on to ‘Bake’.”
And when it’s glowing, nice and hot
Toss in that bleedin’ snake”