Sep 2014
One day you wake up and there it is...
madness staring at you with big, dark eyes.
You smell the unpleasant stench of the uninvited guest.
Go away!
You are not welcome here.
You put your foot in the door, but the hairy monster made it into your home...into your head.
Your heart starts to beat uncontrollably.
Dear Lord, do not let it go any faster, you might not make it.
Someone is choking you...please help.
No! No one is there.
Gasping for air.
Remember what she told you, breathe in and out...in and out...
Should you call her?
Reaching for the phone you notice your hands shaking...tremors they call it.
Much like an earthquake.
****! Keep still, you just can't seem to find her number.
Suddenly the little voices whispers with the sound of laughter, you are so useless, useless, utterly useless.
Make it stop.
Please go away, you plead.
You hide under the table, under the blankets.
It feels safe, I know.
Rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...
Stop doing it!
Lord, if You are out there, let it go away.
Let the madness only last awhile, for any longer than this you might be stuck in your own reality forever.
A reality which is not theirs.
And then the calmness sets in.
Like a lightning bolt it overwhelms you.
You do not know this.
You could never get used to this.
What is this?
Why is your mind playing tricks on you?
You get up with thoughts racing,
Is this me?
Is this what has become of me?
The more you hide, the more the madness starts to show...
On your face, the tremble of your hands, the wild look in your eyes, the speed of your speech.
You can never hide the monster which lives inside you.
And so you accept what is you.
They lock you up for weeks on end with people much like you.
No one wants to be in the presence of the unknown.
You scare them...
You know you will never be the same again.
The you that was, will never be again.
Family, friends, colleagues, even your children will at times not recognize you at all.
The sting of madness, that must be the saddest of it all.
They fail to remember,
You are only a wilted flower.
You can do no harm.
You are too sad, too pathetic, too lonely even when they are around.
An adult sleeping in a fetus position for you feel safe that way.
Crying and pouring your soul out to the monster who made their home inside of you.
That is what I have become and Lithium reminds me every night before I go to bed.
This is what I am.
madness staring at you with big, dark eyes.
You smell the unpleasant stench of the uninvited guest.
Go away!
You are not welcome here.
You put your foot in the door, but the hairy monster made it into your home...into your head.
Your heart starts to beat uncontrollably.
Dear Lord, do not let it go any faster, you might not make it.
Someone is choking you...please help.
No! No one is there.
Gasping for air.
Remember what she told you, breathe in and out...in and out...
Should you call her?
Reaching for the phone you notice your hands shaking...tremors they call it.
Much like an earthquake.
****! Keep still, you just can't seem to find her number.
Suddenly the little voices whispers with the sound of laughter, you are so useless, useless, utterly useless.
Make it stop.
Please go away, you plead.
You hide under the table, under the blankets.
It feels safe, I know.
Rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...
Stop doing it!
Lord, if You are out there, let it go away.
Let the madness only last awhile, for any longer than this you might be stuck in your own reality forever.
A reality which is not theirs.
And then the calmness sets in.
Like a lightning bolt it overwhelms you.
You do not know this.
You could never get used to this.
What is this?
Why is your mind playing tricks on you?
You get up with thoughts racing,
Is this me?
Is this what has become of me?
The more you hide, the more the madness starts to show...
On your face, the tremble of your hands, the wild look in your eyes, the speed of your speech.
You can never hide the monster which lives inside you.
And so you accept what is you.
They lock you up for weeks on end with people much like you.
No one wants to be in the presence of the unknown.
You scare them...
You know you will never be the same again.
The you that was, will never be again.
Family, friends, colleagues, even your children will at times not recognize you at all.
The sting of madness, that must be the saddest of it all.
They fail to remember,
You are only a wilted flower.
You can do no harm.
You are too sad, too pathetic, too lonely even when they are around.
An adult sleeping in a fetus position for you feel safe that way.
Crying and pouring your soul out to the monster who made their home inside of you.
That is what I have become and Lithium reminds me every night before I go to bed.
This is what I am.
