i’ve never gone by my first name.
maybe that says something about who i am.
my parents said it didn’t suit me.
do you see the connection.
I’ve been set up since my first days.
i never fit who i was meant to be.
i wish i could say that i have a grand story to share with the world.
but everything has just been mediocre.
although i have had moments of disinterest in the city i was born in, the family i was blessed with, the skin i reside in, i still have moments of love and lust.
when air fills my lungs, the sun shines through my window and everything seems like a new bright beginning.
through time theres always still been something not quite right.
like this house isn’t a home.
this skin isn’t meant to be my own.
this city isn’t meant for me.
the concept of time has never really sat well with me.
the idea that no matter what, you can’t slow down or speed up experiences.
I’ve never been able to decide whether its a blessing or a curse. perhaps a toss up of the two.
my mom always told me that these years would fly by and i brushed it off like the dust on the shelves that hold the books that told the stories of my child hood.
those books flew by almost a quickly as my youth.
everyday i get closer to the end.
or perhaps just getting closer to a new beginning.