my favorite teacher in high school told me that once you step in a river, you and that river w i l l never be the same. and i wonder if we are l i k e that with each o t h e r. do we stamp our thumbprints on people's chests, do w e never f o r g e t the omnipresent memory ofthethings thatwere? your t h i n g s are swimming in t h e gulf of mexico by n o w, i assume- that pathetic letter a b o u t h o w y o u d r e a m e d you would losethelove of your life ( m e ) forever (you did) is soaked and bleeding out of its creases- but i will probably always remember the curve of your mouth and the sharpness of your laugh. i do not remember you fondly, no never fondly, and i only ever want to drink another virgil's rootbeer if i can spit i t in your face afterward, but i'm hoping someday i will bleed like your words and god i will fly, i can promise you that. you did not break me, you only taught me t h a t hearts, t h e y need styrofoam fencing- s o m e padding but nothing like your cement b l o c k s- and that i deservebetter. ideserveorchids a n d sunflowers, homemade jam in the middle of the night because us sleeping is out o f the question and jesus ******* c h r i s t i deserve a heart that has nobarriers. i want to bethe r i v e r, stampeding i n t o someone's life like the scariest thing they've ever seen until i have taught them everything they could want t o know a b o u t the ramones a n d fleetwood m a c and painting with your eyes closed. i just want t o b e t h e river.