How many times
do I have to look up begging to know why
My prayers and pleas screaming and thrashing against my fracturing hemorrhaged consciousness
As tears surge out my eyes

how many times
do I have to lay here abandoned
Your touch your warmth your comfort an undeniable desideratum
When you're ice cold right next to me refusing to acknowledge me.

I start to inwardly convulse and collapse
I want to scream
I can feel myself fracture, shatter and rupture.

I want to smear my own ****** handprints over my face and tear out my hair
Lay down on the floor bleeding,  pumping direct out my heart
My love my sorrow my fears and my heartbreak, a thick miasma.

How many times
do I have to implore the moon not to take you away from me
even as I'm Told and Assured I'm Unwanted,
Leaving is an incomprehensible, inconceivable, fantastical CONCEPT
The horror and the fear and the pain at the thought overcomes and overwhelms me like dismal leaden shroud.

My fingers itch for a blade
to come do the work
To etch on my arms
Red vivid proof that I'm hurt

How many times
I don't want to die but I beg for death
I plead with the Man as he refutes me with every Un breath
I beat on his chest telling him I can't go on
Not without you, without you a moment would be too long.