In the beginning I had no doubt
I would return to the way I once was
There was no question about it

Years have now passed

Things didn't go back to the way they once were
And I finally realized I would never return to the way I once was

It took 4 years to finally realize the obvious


I once thought I would not live long enough to see my hair grow back
It grew back
Time went on
I got older
The nostalgia and longing for my old life got worse


I looked out the window today
And the pain cut deep

For me, the outside world is out of reach

It's there
It's real
But I am no longer part of it


I burry my face in my pillow and let the tears come
They always come


Every day is the same day
An overwhelmingly long day



I look into a mirror
The same face I see every day looks back at me
She frowns
At least I think that's what that ****** expression is
A face that is held together with so much metal seems more robotic than human


My back hurts now, so I should lie down completely
That's also held together with metal
So are many other parts of my body

I don't have the strength to make a list of what's held in place with metal bolts and screws


I rest my bionic self in bed
As comfortably as I can
And sigh



My heart hurts...
Now that part is still human