I have always been terrified of driving
I confided this to you in our second conversation
This city
Has an abundance of bad drivers
And the way the road twists and turns
Makes my stomach do the same
Anxiety takes over my body
And I become a worried wreck
That night in July
I had to drive home late,
Worn from a busy day
You assured me that I would be alright
Called me to make sure I was okay
Talked to me patiently as I made my way home
Your voice calming
Turning my worries into laughter
You told me you would take me anywhere
I could just sit back and relax
That you would love nothing more than to have one hand on the steering wheel
And the other on my thigh
I pictured it
Pictured you next to me
Windows down
Wind blowing through my hair
And your palm on my hot skin
Moving with ease
The thought of it
Almost made me crash
The though of it
Took every ounce of nervous off of my shoulders
And sent me into a spiral of wanting
I wanted you
So terribly
Worse than any anxiety I had ever known
And my biggest fear
Was the thought of you leaving
I used to be scared
Of car accidents and collisions
Terrified of the crash
I am not afraid anymore
I do not hold my breath any longer
I do not tense up
Instead I am calm
I am not afraid anymore
My greatest fear already came true
And it had nothing to do
With losing control of my car
It had to do
With losing you
You left
Just like I feared you would
Just like you said you wouldn't
You left
I am now learning
How to let go
I drive easier
Knowing the worst already happened
I am not afraid anymore.