My heart is beating wildly out of my chest
My hands are shaking
I cannot think straight
My worries are screaming at me

What if I'm not actually that smart
I've been told all my life
That I'm clever

But without it
What am I

Without being smart
My wit is just sarcasm
And thinly veiled bitterness

Without intelligence
How can I live up to the expectations
Of the world

What if instead of being smart
I am simply average
And told I was better than I am

I could have simply gotten by all these years

The panic welling up
Threatens to consume me

What if I am crazy
Instead of eccentric
The only difference between them is being useful

What if alone I will be destroyed
By my very own mind

What if I am smart
What then
What is intelligence without being able to teach
Or show off on occasion

What if being alone with myself
Ruins my quick wit
And renders me useless
Helpless
What can I do

I need a buffer from the world
Without one I am lost
Just a single star in the sky

I need someone to explain
What is right and wrong
What is going on with these strangers

I need someone to help me
I need places I can escape to

But here and now
I am stuck by myself
And trying to react to this enormous change