why dose it always feel like swimming upstream with you,
always screaming
always pain
always fighting

Every moment a monumental struggle.
I never new such a current could exist
in places so shallow.
I used to imagine you as an entire ocean,
a force to be reckoned with.
now when I think of you
I remember feeling so hallow
I imagine stale mud water
warmed in august summer heat.

mothers are sappossed to love daughters
Thats what everyone seems to think.

not stay up late thinking of new creative ways
to make her fall to her knees
and weep.

I have to keep reminding myself
to stay concerned with more important things
I have to never allow myself to concentrate on the sting
words you selected to cut to deep

I have to force your rejection from my thoughts
before they fester, I can't think lesser of myself,
I can't dwell on what you think of me.
this infection
can't be cleansed by the likes of you
for now the salt in my tears will have to do.

I don't know how to bother with this anymore,
I wont bother you,
I only wish i knew how to not be my mothers daughter.
I only wish I could undo every night of missing you.
I only wish I was strong enough
to love myself so even you
couldn't leave me this hallow
make me feel so shallow.
I will never act
I will not fallow
people will never think
I'm my mothers daughter.