I think right now I've finally settled
But I better knock on wood because if I don't it will all probably crumble
I was supposed to have said goodbye to you but your memory floats around in my brain like a plastic bag that just caught the wind
I really thought I figured it out too
Like how is it that one person can change your whole outlook on life but would change her whole outlook just to please you
I still think it's my fault but I will never be able to get her side of the story
I want to close that chapter but I'm still waiting for the ending
I hope she can see me now because I'm finally living the life we talked about
I told her I wanted to change the world and she told me to go for it
I just wish I could have changed her world
If I wasn't so caught up with the ex I had we would probably still be together
That's only if she would still be alive today
Which is hoping for a lot
But I am content with things now which seems strange
My mind is usually all over the place that I can never actually calm down long enough to look around
And right now I'm blissfully at peace
But the date that shuts down my heart is coming up
I don't know whether to smile or rip my hair out on that day
Smile because I knew you and got a chance to love you
Rip my hair out because I lost you and let you slip away
I hate myself everyday and if you knew that you would be angry
You hated when I drowned myself in self pity
But what am I supposed to do
The thought of you not being here makes me weak in the knees and please just don't fade away in my brain
I deleted everything out of pure rage
I don't want to forget
Please don't go away
My heart is not stable
My brain is not able to take such a blow
And I know that eventually someone will come along and make me feel whole again
But for right now you still hold that spot
It's yours
I'm happy now
So happy
I just wish you could be here and be happy with me
We were in the same boat
Feeling the same emotions
Why is it that you did something about it and I didn't?