Someone said to me " I can't believe you tuned to this person you are" and so I thought if I can be cruel and pain myself if I can be cruel and pretend everything I am not, then I might as well be cruel, against my will, might as well hurt myself same way others do, might as well cry more, might as well hate myself more, be left without anyone but then again it's all lies and only I know so and my feelings don't matter.