the gaping hole creeps. like shadows
lurking in daylight.
it comes suddenly, and i know
there is no way to stop it.
it will be there.
forever.
anything can invoke it,
a song, a smile, a thought.
the pain comes, then. searing.
as i stare at the two, the pain increases.
when i was younger, i had no
one to turn to. i was by myself.
i wrote stories and my imagination
soared.
i will never be able to
experience such closeness, because
it terrifies me.
even when i got close, they fled.
what if it happens again?
too big of a risk.
so i keep quiet while my eyes
gaze over and thoughts
overflow my brain.

i'll be okay.

just not now.