My waist is a size zero
My hips are a size six
My thighs?  Maybe seven
And my rear, a size five.
Quantify me, America
As a woman, I am a mathematical equation
Jumbled, confused, with too many unknowns--
Perhaps now I will drop fifteen pounds, maybe put on eight.
Will these size three jeans still fit if my *** doubles?
What percent of rayon will give enough stretch?
If x is my waist-to-hip ratio,
Where in your standard do I fit, America?