I tested the waters
Finding them satisfactory, I walked into the shower without reluctance
and stood, staring straight down at the drain, watching it all wash away.
Laughter, pain, remembrances, time spent
disappeared down that hole quicker than I would ever have imagined
or dreamed
or feared.
So as the water flowed over my open skin I didn’t even feel the pain
the stinging fire that burns for a few seconds, leaves, then returns
just like her.
I didn’t feel that stinging pain
I was already numb by then
just like I always am.
Then I noticed the water flowing down my face, it reminded me of tears
and how long it’s been since I’ve used them.
I was never really good at crying
my childhood robbed me of that
this simulation of tears is all I get.
Then, I realized
just like I do everyday
It’s a good thing she hates me too
like she always has
with so much love.
But it makes me stand in the shower for another forty-five minutes
as I scream silently
as loud as I can without opening my mouth.
How could you just give up?
Was I never enough?
I simply remained, wishing with all my might
that this shower would be my brief respite.
Please, just wash all of our memories away
I continued to plead
allthewhile knowing that it would be impossible for me
and that I’ll alway be here
helpless
for whenever you need me again