I have no words to explain how my mind works
that without the pill, I'm falling into relapse and sickness series,
that vices help keep me fit
from sorrows and pain that is burning within me
I'll be okay for awhile, when the waves seem to be calming and free
but when the flood comes, I'm not ready for it
feelings of nostalgia and out of control hits me in the face
and knock me down to my knees
I reach for the thing
that reminds me that
pain is physical

hands are shaking, my heart is beating,
my mind is in a whirlpool I don't know why
and here it goes again,
the sea in my head now runs down my thighs in red
I don't mean to, but the pain
i feel now - at least it is real