i regret telling you
that i love you
because it made me feel so vulnerable

it made me feel like my world was crashing down,
like now you knew every ***** secret,
and every lie.

it gave you control,
the control i have never given another,

you were my drive,
my prized possession,
and you knew it.

you knew how much i thought about you,
and you probably know that i'm thinking of you right now.

i always am.

why would i want to stop thinking about you?

i haven't felt this strongly about someone in a long time,
and even though my emotions now are sorrow,
and hurt,

i want you to know that even in years to come i'll think about you.

maybe not everyday, or once an hour,

but i'll think about you.

i'll think about how much you made me smile,
and how you taught me so many things that i'll need,

i'll think about how stupid you were,
and how much you mailing me things upset my mother.

darling

i'll remember your voice,
and how much it made my cheeks turn red and fingertips shake,

you made me flustered,
you made me different.

your hands were always a favourite,
how they would hold things or
support rings,

but your smile was definitely the favourite,
your smile brightened my days.

i loved making you laugh, and seeing that smile that awakened your cheeks and brightened your eyes.

but it's gone now,
and even though it might come back,

it'll never be the same.

this is my farewell,
my goodbye,

because no matter how much you apologize or lure me in from this point on,

i'm gone.

*i'm not yours anymore,

i'm mine.