Sometimes, it’s impossible to explain your feelings, or even to put them to words. Sometimes, even I don’t know where to begin,The happy, bubbly, enthusiastic me, can’t express my true feelings. And I guess there is a reason behind that. It’s not that I can’t...It’s that I choose not to. I would rather wear the “happy” mask an attend a life-long masquerade, then share my true feelings. The dark feelings. The ones that hold so much truth, sometimes, it hurts. The emptiness hurts the worst. That clique feeling of being in a crowded room and feeling..nothing..empty...alone. You question yourself. Why am I alone? But you can only come up with answers that you don’t want to hear. You tell yourself you’re unworthy, a bad friend, you have too many emotions. You want to scream stop. Stop torturing me! But you realize, its you. It’s always been you. Tearing yourself down, isolating yourself. What’s wrong with me? Am I sick? Why can’t I just be happy? But questioning makes it worse because eventually you get to the question you hope to never answer. Why am I here? ….Those are the darkest days. And true there is sometimes a brief flicker of light and hope, amidst the cloudy feeling normally looming in my head. I choose to live for the light. I choose to live because I can’t let this...disease defeat me. I have lost enough to know that I am not willing to lose control of my life. MY life. I’ve decided that I’m not hiding anymore. Why should I be ashamed of this disease? hide it from people? This will not defeat me. This will. not. defeat me, because there is hope, and the hope is the light that guides others away from darkness, and if I can be that light for others, maybe one day I will see the light, and someday I’ll be free from the command of depression.