I can't even touch my feelings
I used to live in them
Now I live beside them
Day and day again
I watch them go
They want in
I want them to stay out.
I push the door shut and the window closed.
We are separate entities now.
They scream in frustration now.
Aching to get back in.
I tell them they are still in here with me.
I feel the memories of them
Every day a rip or two reopens
But I close my eyes quick
Lick away the blood.
Acting as if it never happened.
As if the bandaids had worked
Because I know half the cuts are from myself.
So I tell my feelings I still hold them dear
But I just hold my own survival nearer.
I don't want to destroy myself.
I want to destroy everyone else.
I want to push until they tear
Crush until they break
I want to become so sharp
That a look from my eyes can
make them bleed.
I want the world to know
What my insides have felt
And what my heart desires.
From love to lust
From wanting to fix it
To wanting to break it.
I don't have time for guilt
I don't have time for pain
Hurt,
Anger
I don't have time to feel pity
I don't have anymore room.
And sometimes my own selfishness makes me sick
But this gets me one step closer to the completion
of me.
I am done with dissecting the human race
They've infected themselves
And I am one step behind but catching up quick
I am trying to play a game with a finesse
That someone as new as I cannot possess.
I can't even touch my feelings.
And until today it wasn't a choice.
Let me lick the cut.