The sun was still warm
through her bedroom window
her sister played
the Ricky Nelson record

over and over
which came through
the wall
Elaine leaned her back

against the door
and looked at the bed
with the Teddy Bear
her parents had bought her

years before
her mother down stairs
said about bringing
down the soiled washing

she walked towards the window
and looked out
the garden was tidy
her father

had worked ******* it
the green house sparkled
in the afternoon sun
she walked to the dressing table

and stared at herself
was she a frump?
the girls in class
said she was

even some of the boys
who bothered
to talk to her at all
said she was

she pushed back
her dark hair
from her eyes
and stared hard

the boy John liked her
and after the kiss
the other day
she felt unsure

when she was with him
he seemed friendly
he seemed a little odd
when he talked

of birds and butterflies
she sighed and took off
her school blouse
and dropped it

on the bed
then unzipped
her school skirt
and let it fall

to the floor
she was frumpy
she thought
looking at herself

standing there
her reflection
in the mirror
wearing the small bra

and green underwear
she closed her eyes
the Ricky Nelson voice
echoing still

the memory of John's kiss
on the edge of her mind
she pressed
her lips together

pouted
pretended he
had kissed her again
his lips pressing

she ran her tongue
over her lower lip
back and forth
side to side

she turned away
from the mirror
her back to it
she opened her eyes

and embraced herself
her fingers visible
over one shoulder
and at the side

of her ribs
she pretended
they were his
fingers visible

his arms
holding her
she kissed
her shoulder

it was just pretence
she didn't think
she could face
the real thing

not his lips there
not his hands
embracing her
she walked to her bed

and lay down
staring at the ceiling
unsure what she felt
or what it was

her 14 year old body
was hotly feeling.