Don't you want me?
All I'm hearing is the rush of the cars behind me. You're standing in the doorway, and I'm lying down, the covers pulled over me.
Don't you need me?
I'm smiling. You're smiling.
I'm almost laughing. You make me gitty. But all I feel when we're together is something pulling us apart. Am I one of many? If this weren't a test, if I went away for a few days. I mean, really went away-would you miss me?
Another car passes. Then a siren. Have I died here in this darkness? In this loneliness? Where I'm laying on my side? Where you're not touching me. You kissed my cheek. One. Two. Three. Times. I wonder if you could feel me grinning. If your lips could as they touched me ever so briefly understood everything. Something changed today. But yet, everything stayed the same. It's starting to feel like I can predict every moment with you. And still, each kiss feels new. There's something about us. It feels like a fresh wound. I'm fascinated by the way it oozes. I keep staring at it. I want to lick the blood, taste metal, like it's the first time. I was pressed up against a wall, and I looked over. I was walking, we sat down on a bench. It was almost summer. I looked over. Everything was so uncertain then. So unobtainable. You were standing there & I wanted to kiss you. But now that I can. And when I do. You feel so far away. Reach out to me as I did to you. Touch me. Tell me. I tell you all the time. I know I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve, but it's too late. You've got your hand wrapped around my bicep, and your pulling me closer and closer to something that keeps moving away. Eventually. Will we get there? Please say something! Anything! I assume. I know that makes an *** out of me. I don't know anything. But something in the way you look at me tells me this isn't forever. That it's only temporary. How long can temporary be? My arm is tingling. You're asleep next to me. I don't think I'll let you read this. I don't think I'll let anyone see this deep into me. Last night I was crying when I called you. You said you looked at the phone. I'm not sure what would have happened if you had answered. What would happen now? If I stopped writing, and started sobbing? Would you hold me?